# First time on here **URL:** \ **Category:** New to Carers Connect\ **Created:** [24 July 2019 16:08 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508 "2019-07-24T16:08:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sarah\_19071234567893](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Sarah\_19071234567893](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/Sarah_19071234567893)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 16:08 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/1 "2019-07-24T16:08:54Z")
Hi I am caring for my elderly disabled husband and struggling with the change in our relationship. He used to be the strong one and now I have to be . He is very deaf so communication is hard. Any tips on coping ? ---
**Author:** ![Ayjay](https://dub1.discourse-cdn.com/flex017/user_avatar/carersukstaging.discourse.group/ayjay/32/190_2.png) [@Ayjay](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/Ayjay)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 16:23 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/2 "2019-07-24T16:23:55Z")
> [@](#): > > He is very deaf so communication is hard. Any tips on coping ? A notepad, or even some flash cards might be useful for brief communications. You hold up a pic of a cup of tea, he holds up yes/no. ---
**Author:** ![sunnydisposition](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/48db29/32.png) [@sunnydisposition](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/sunnydisposition)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 17:13 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/3 "2019-07-24T17:13:20Z")
> **[Home | RNID Connevans](https://www.rnidconnevans.co.uk/viewPage.do?id=index)** > > Connevans > **[Home - British Deaf Association](https://bda.org.uk/)** > > Equality. Access. Freedom of choice. The BDA is the UK’s leading membership organisation and registered charity led by Deaf people, for Deaf people. [https://www.royaldeaf.org.uk/](https://www.royaldeaf.org.uk/) > **[UK organisations - Hearing Link Services](https://www.hearinglink.org/connect/useful-hearing-loss-organisations/useful-organisations-uk/)** > > This is a list of UK organisations we think may be of interest to adults with hearing loss, their friends and families. ---
**Author:** ![Sally\_17031](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Sally\_17031](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/Sally_17031)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 17:26 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/4 "2019-07-24T17:26:44Z")
Hi Sarah Welcome to the forum. accepting changed relationships is hard. Do you have any carers/ dementia support groups in your area? I attended one with my Mum and most of the other people were looking after a partner and took great support from meeting others who understood. Make sure you get some regular breaks and look after your own health and wellbeing. ---
**Author:** ![Sarah\_19071234567893](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Sarah\_19071234567893](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/Sarah_19071234567893)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 18:18 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/5 "2019-07-24T18:18:49Z")
Thanks - yes there is a local carers’ group so maybe I should give it a try. ---
**Author:** ![Elaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/439d5e/32.png) [@Elaine](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/Elaine)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 18:56 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/6 "2019-07-24T18:56:54Z")
Hi Sarah and welcome. Would you care to explain a little more? Has the disability and deafness come on suddenly or has it been a gradual decline? What aids for both conditions do you already have in place? How old are you both and what family or other support do you have in place if any? If you explain in a bit more detail then the very experienced posters on here can identify what’s ‘missing’ and give you a pointer in the direction you might need to go. Yes, it must be hard to ‘swap roles’, especially while not seeming to ‘take over’ when your husband has been used to doing the ‘man tasks’ etc and might feel diminished by his inability to continue. Daunting but do-able, baby steps maybe. Keep posting, we’re here to help as much as we can. KR ---
**Author:** ![bowlingbun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@bowlingbun](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/bowlingbun)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 19:20 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/7 "2019-07-24T19:20:44Z")
There are a number of forum members where there is a significant age gap, and I have known others locally in this situation. Maybe the most important thing is that you NEED to have friends and interests outside the home, so that when you are left to cope alone, there will be people around to support you. ---
**Author:** ![helena\_1512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c67d28/32.png) [@helena\_1512](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/helena_1512)\ **Post date:** [24 July 2019 19:22 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/8 "2019-07-24T19:22:45Z")
You have my sympathy Sarah. My husband is 80 and deaf and he won’t wear a Hearing Aid. I certainly agree to see if there is a Local Carers group you could get to. Some Groups have telephone befrienders if you cannot easily get out. Do you have any family support so you can get a break? When you become a Carer, the relationship changes. My husband is much older and I basically feel like a live carer/cleaner rather than a wife or even companion. It is very lonely. I echo trying to take care of your own physical and mental health and to try and find time for your own interests. ---
**Author:** ![Sarah\_19071234567893](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Sarah\_19071234567893](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/u/Sarah_19071234567893)\ **Post date:** [30 August 2019 16:28 UTC](https://carersukstaging.discourse.group/t/first-time-on-here/64508/9 "2019-08-30T16:28:19Z")
Thanks for your helpful comments. Yes, my husband is 30 years older than me so I always knew I was likely to end up as his carer but the reality is hard. My Dad died last year so I am also supporting my widowed Mum who lives locally. My husband has cognitive impairment so is quite forgetful and struggles to understand anything complicated as well as struggling to move about as his vascular parkinsonism affects his legs. We had a helpful visit from the Sensory team at Social Services now he is registered partially sighted. It isn’t that I need help with care but more that I feel the pressure of being his sole carer as he has no children or other relatives and my children from my previous marriage live far away.He can’t go out without me and so he is always in the house- another pressure. I am anxious about what the future holds. It just helps to type this out and know sympathetic people are reading this.