Good for you, Lesley. Let us know how you get on.
Melly1
I actually don’t know where to start in order to start changing my life. I’ve been doing this for so long that I’ve gotten used to the way of my life. All my life has revolved around been a carer and putting myself first is a unfamiliar feeling.
id love to post about my life from what i remember of it but I don’t want to seem pathetic or ungrateful.
Caring is hard whatever form it takes even though on the surface it may seem as though your Mum’s blindness is something simpler to deal with than a physical or mental disability. (If you want an insight into my last week, my wife has peed the bed twice [blocked catheter] peed whilst in her wheelchair twice, [reasons unknown], pooed from the hoist onto both the bed and the floor on the way to the commode).
No-one here will imply that you are either pathetic or ungrateful, but you do have to start to take charge a little more. Think of the circumstances as being reversed, you’re now the acting parent and your Mum is the one who has to defer to you.
I’d suggest, (and feel free to ignore my suggestion) that you choose three things that you’d like to do, pick the least important and just tell your Mum a date and time when your going to do that and work from there - I say choose the least important first as it will give you a clue as to how things are going to pan out, no point in having a big disappointment with something more dear to your heart.
Hi Lesley. Recently I suddenly realised that mum had taken over too much of my time and energy. It was really due to the Lockdown - because I had stopped going to social activities and dance classes. Anyway I just suddenly told her that I was entitled to time off caring and I needed time off to sort out my house and garden (which is true!) I told her that I was having 2 days off each week throughout July but I would still cook her dinner for her in the evening on those days. Also she could phone me if there was an emergency. When I told her this I didn’t wait for a reply and left the room. Mum didn’t like it but surprisingly she accepted it and fortunately her adult grandson is with her a lot if she needs help. Mum is 89 but manages her own personal care etc. She can also do light chores in her bungalow. She has mobility problems.
I guess your mum may be frightened of being in the house on her own, which is understandable. But there are blind people who live alone.
Have you thought about finding a support group in your area for blind and partially sighted people? If there is a group nearby they may even offer transport for your mum. It would give your mum a chance to meet other people who understand what she is going through.
Hi there, my boyfriend also lives with us so it isn’t like she’ll be left home alone.
Don’t be silly, your mum isn’t your boyfriend’s responsibility, you need to be going out together as a carefree couple!!