Yes, it’ll be easier once you’ve switched from a bank book to a card. Then you can bank online and use a banking app.
How are things?
Trying to Cope. I know this sounds odd, but I am looking forward to working this weekend. Just for a rest, normally I work full time but with the virus it’s only certain days at the moment.
Today she keeps telling me she needs to take her tablets. Carers have them to her which I have witnessed. So I know she had them. She seemed to move much better between bed and commode and commode and chair today.
Trying to get her a chair through council and OT which has a remote that goes up and down.
Waiting for district nursing to come for a continence assessment today.
Her memory seems to be all over the place things she remembers and doesn’t remember. She seems more with it since coming out of hospital last Thursday but her short term memory is still not good and she repeating herself.
Last night I made the brave decision to use clippers and cut my own hair. Showed her after. This morning she asking me who cut my hair, I said don’t you remember I did it yesterday? No was the reply.
To protect me room and make sure no one goes in it when I am not there, I have a mini camera which is linked to my phone app. I was thinking about getting another camera, and hiding it in the living room. She hard of hearing and when I work I give her a lunch time call. She doesn’t always hear the phone ringing. I was thinking if she doesn’t answer I can check the camera to see she ok? Make it clear I don’t suspect any abuse from carers, but it’s for my peace of mind that she ok if she don’t answer the phone. Should I do this or would this be wrong?
Luke, I think that’s a very good idea.
Would I be breaking the law? As carers would be obviously in the room where camera is?
No idea on that, maybe tell the agency manager what you have done, or put a little sign up if you are worried, but personally, I wouldn’t unless challenged.
The camera will be well hidden and I don’t even think they notice to be honest…
In that case, I’d keep quiet. Can I ask what cameras you use please?
From this company, however I bought them on amazon because I have Prime.
Hi Luke,
Sounds like you are doing a great job for your nan so far. I am currently caring for and living with my aunt who’s 79 and has stage 2 dementia.The GP will contact the local memory clinic and arrange an assessment to be done this can take upto 6 months or even longer now with COVID19. First things first you have a safety deposit box fitted for the house keys so the carers can come and go everyday,also get a locked box and put your nan’s tablets in them and allow only the carers to administer them unless emergency.I have attached the locked box keys to the house keys and that stops them being misplaced or lost.Its a very tough job combining work and leisure time and caring for a family member but can be very rewarding but don’t allow it too stop you having a social life.A few basic tips I would give you to start off with is
- Do not argue with a person with dementia
- If the person is talking rubbish or not making sense I tend to find just agreeing with them or quickly changing the subject helps instead of trying to explain situations
- Do not shout at your nan no matter what she has done or how angry u feel
- Your nan if suffering from dementia will need lots of reassurance I tend to find holding their hand or a quick cuddle and talking to my aunt calmly can settle her down if she gets very confused
That’s just general tips mate if u require anymore advice I’ll help you out if I can
So Nan is able to move much better between chair and commode. Etc. But with help of carers.
However,
She been caught many times trying to get up herself and failing too.,
She also thinks she gonna start walking properly, without Zimmer frame or support. Not need the carers anymore and go to shops like before.
I honestly feel like packing my things and walking out.
Luke
I’m so sorry that things are so tough for you.
Are you still managing to get out to work?
And are you able to get out at all to meet up with friends at the weekend…now lockdown is easing
Getting some time to yourself is key to being able to deal with caring…i must admit i have often felt like leaving myself.
Getting time away from caring eases this feeling somewhat.
Luke, are you picking her up when she falls? You must NOT do this, you need to call the ambulance so the paramedics can check her over. Then they will tell the GP that they were called out to her. Absolute impartial evidence that she is a danger to herself.
You MUST go out, you cannot stay shackled to her, just in case. Has she been provided with a Falls Alarm by Social Services? If not, she needs one, urgently.
She has hasn’t a fall since she been out of hospital and of course I call 999 if that happens.
But she is trying to get out of the chair but failing because she can’t put the recliner down. But Denies it even when I have seen it on camera.
But I don’t want to tell her I seen it on camera because she might get upset.
She had a physio session at home yesterday and she walked from one side of the room to the other aided by them.
In the afternoon she said she was fed up and wants to try and walk I said don’t you remember the physios came this morning. She doesn’t remember
She doesn’t remember even the district nurse coming. She keeps asking if I have paid the bills. I tell her I have but she constantly keeps asking.
Still awaiting to hear back from someone regarding memory clinic referral.
With carers she doing ok, Care agency seems really good. Especially her main carer who is definitely on the ball with her. But of course they have other clients and can’t be with her all the time.
I don’t know how much I can’t cope. I still believe she needs to be in a care home as upsetting as it sounds. But then I know she safe. But she still keeps saying she don’t want to go in one. And they still say she has the capacity the make that decision.
I am close to giving up work because she is such a worry. When I am not there.
No Luke, you must not give up work. Have you had a Carers Assessment from Social Services? If not, explain the situation, they are supposed to put whatever is necessary in place so you can keep working. Realistically, her life is nearing the end, and whatever you do, it is unlikely she will still be living there in a year from now, as her dementia will have developed further.
The thing is I feel like I am a fool sometimes because she has good days where she alert, speaking and remembering things especially past things…
Luke
My lovely husband spoke of past very easily. He could quote correctly all sorts of things to do with his career. More than once I went into disbelief that he actually had vascular dementia! Then he would confabulate, not remember what he had for dinner, sometimes not even remember he had eaten. Sadly it’s dementia. Very difficult to cope with. It does get worse I’m afraid.
When it does, and the inevitable happens, you will still have a life. Please don’t put yourself in a position of having nothing.Your grandmother wouldn’t want that for you I’m certain.
Very sad difficult time for you, but remember, it won’t last forever.
I was at work today. Got home at 2pm and since then she been constantly repeating herself. Especially since she received a follow up appointment at the hospital. It’s for August and she keeps asking when it is. Plus asking constantly about other things. I am just in my room watching tv, she seems to be quiet now. I need to try and calm down before I snap. I don’t mean to. I love my Nan dearly. But to see her like this is heart breaking. She won’t accept it. She thinks it’s just old age. I know this sounds horrible but I just wished she would die. She wouldn’t be suffering any more…
Luke it doesn’t sound horrible to me! I understand you. I loved my husband very much ( married for 51 years) and he was my rock. It was a long goodbye. Miss him very much, the man he was, pre dementia. My comfort is that he is at peace now.
A man in the nursing home visiting his wife used to say he wished his wife would shut her eyes and not wake up. He obviously adored her.
You are worn out emotionally, Dementia is cruel, more to relatives than the person suffering.
Please don’t beat yourself up for having that thought.
I wish I could be more help to you. So young to be coping with this on your own
Luke, you need to record her when she is going on and on. Assessment or not, she clearly has some sort of brain issue, and you cannot be expected to care for someone with such high care needs.
She is being referred to a memory clinic. I hope they do home calls. But I been told it be a while because of Covid. I need to contact her GP tomorrow regarding her medication, so I will ask if it can be chased up.
Yesterday she was accusing me of treating her like a baby because I wouldn’t help her get up to use the Commode. Obviously if she was in normal
Mind she wouldn’t want me to do that. But she been told by the carers to go in her pad they will change her. And her carers are very good so far. They told her not to get up without there help. I shouldn’t be doing it. Although I feel bad. I am trying my best with her, but it’s hard.