Such a sad, sad situation.
However his behaviour is not acceptable, and clearly he’s very ill. All I can suggest is that you block his phone calls but see him as regularly as you feel able to. Have you spoken to the Matron at the home?
I’ll try tomorrow. they’re probably fed up with him as he talks a lot . . he’s been on the phone to my daughter twice this evening and called me earlier. too saying how much he hates it and wants to come here
You both need to put your answer phones on to take control of this.
Linda
Its not going to get better unless you act now
I can see at the time it seemed like the only option and a good idea but clearly it can’t carry on.
Contact social services straight away…
Accept some elderly people cannot be satisfied. I wasted many years trying to make my mum happy. Looking back I cannot ever remember her having a happy laugh, ever. Mum was in the best nursing home in the area, spotlessly clean, kind friendly staff, lovely food, like a smart hotel with nusing. I went to a residents meeting, you wouldn’t believe the trivia they were moaning about! They seemed to need to have something to moan about.
Same as where my dad is , it seems so nice. Like you say, still not enough . My daughter saw him today in the garden there and he was sobbing and begging her to take him out so to pacify him she went along with things but then she was told to go by the staff … she’s in bits now as he keeps calling . It’s hard to block him . I spoke to the manager and she was annoyed about it as it makes things hard for them but she was polite etc. Just wish this was all over as its so hard knowing he’s in such anguish
Don’t block him, let him leave a message, you can delete it if necessary, but it means you take back control rather than letting him ring you all the time. Could the doctor give him something to make him less persistent? It’s not good for him to be so distressed.
I think he’s seeing the doctor at the home on tuesday so hope he’ll help him. The guilty feeling is so crippling, it doesn’t help that he is spanish he’s always believed family should look after their own . But he’s such a different kettle of fish, such a difficult character plus the incontinence, I just think I’d die before him at this rate
Hi Linda very similar to you… my dad should have been in care years ago,it’s been a nightmare for me as well.never ever feel guilty if your parent has to go into care.(my problem is I’ve been a people pleaser for most of my life) my dad is nearly 94. i feel quilty putting own needs over others.i now need help and support myself.ian
That’s the same with me . My dad knows that too so i think he plays on my weakness. my sisters are as hard as nails with him but he’s always been so good to me I feel awful . Will he settle there eventually and stop crying ? Maybe he has dementia? So hard hearing him so upset all the time while i know it’s the best place for him
Dementia comes in many forms. You have to concentrate on what he needs, not what he wants.